Ted and Dougal turn detective to discover who's behind the bumper crop of hairy babies on Craggy Island. However when justice is done on the culprit he takes a terrible revenge. Dougal's moonlighting stint as island milkman is marred by a bomb set to go off if the milk float drops below 4mph. Does 'The Poseidon Adventure' hold the key to his rescue, or would Father Jack's pet brick come in more useful?

A perfectly routine trip to the mainland results in Dougal almost dying from malnutrition, Mrs Doyle being chucked in the clink, Ted nearly being beaten up by Victor Meldrew, and Father Jack joining Alcoholics Anonymous. A chance encounter with old friends Noel Furlong and the St. Luke's Youth Group in some spooky caves spells spelaeological trouble for our heroes.

It's the All-Priests Over-75s Five-A-Side Football challenge, and disaster looms when Ted's star player is nobbled by a bottle of Dreamy-Sleepy Nighty Snoozy-Snooze. Fortunately a pair of fake rubber arms and a remote-controlled wheelchair put our lads in with a chance of beating Dick Byrne this year. As long as they can fool the referee...

A lost bet with Dick Byrne means Ted has to kick Bishop Brennan up the arse. On cue, Len arrives with PA Father Jessup, the world's most sarcastic priest. Elaborate preparations, a camera, a skirting board, a set of watercolours and some psychological warfare on Ted's part ensure a successful outcome. Or do they?

Jumper-wearing pop sensation Eoin McLove comes to visit. Unfortunately his presence leads hundreds of infatuated middle-aged ladies to surround the house, and the usual hilarious mix-ups ensue. But McLove's easy-going stage persona masks a terrible secret.

Ted performs a genuinely unselfish act, and is rewarded with the offer of a parish in California - his wildest dreams come true. However, parting from his long-time companions at the Parochial House proves tricky. Unless Ted can break the news of his departure tactfully to Dougal, Jack and Mrs Doyle, he won't be going to America...